Post Apotheosis

Episode Zero
Adventure Logs!

Whoever posts a log of a session (or useful addendum) gets Inspiration (advantage on a roll).
Logs do not need to be long, just the details, but these can be useful.
Player Secrets can be added, but do so sparingly, as it is more fun if we are all involved.

prison dark and smell like death
(how junior meet new friends)

beastmans eat girl. not eat buckler the turtle. junior hide buckler. (do not ask junior how or where.)

prison dark. smell of death. not right death. bad half death. days we wait in dark. junior eat scraps, feed buckler scraps of scraps. junior not move, barely sleep. too sad do anything.

beastmans put crazy magic man in cage by junior. crazy magic man weak and crazy. also smart and brave. ask junior open doors. junior open doors.

then come bone men half-deads. junior protect crazy magic man while crazy man magic make bone men full dead.

junior lose shit then, only remember angry. so angry. while junior angry crazy magic man use crazy magic summon spider-gnome, drunk shaman man, and shaman man guard with big sword. then not angry. still sad. but buckler still safe.

crazy magic man friends not want escape. come prison for drunk shaman man house. seem like bad house. still junior protect crazy magic man friends. only guard with big sword not small and weak. all brave and stupid like junior. decide first clean basement drunk shaman man prison house.

find pile of bones ask junior help. junior and crazy magic man not listen others, help buried voice in bones. find talking skull. crazy magic man keep talking skull for friend like junior keep buckler. buckler still safe.

find dead man lies in blood but blood not dead. junior put buckler safe place before stand in way not dead blood. crazy magic man not stay behind junior. greedy crazy. take something from dead man not dead blood. not dead blood try take back. junior not hurt by not dead blood. not dead blood weak. spider-gnome feed spiders to not dead blood. crazy magic man, shaman man, and shaman guard with big sword make fire magic not dead blood full dead. junior get buckler from hiding spot. buckler still safe.

crazy magic man friends say already clean cave under basement before crazy magic man summon. decide go up stairs after clean prison house basement. shaman guard with big sword help junior push open big door top of basement stairs.

beastman behind door waiting for kill junior and shaman guard with big sword. beastman already bleeds. bleeding beastman try hurt junior but bleeding beastman weak. no hurt junior. crazy magic man, spider-gnome, shaman man and shaman guard with big sword kill bleeding beastman fast with magic and spiders and big sword. buckler still safe.

drunk shaman man give orders. heal bleeding friends. shaman guard also heal friends and give orders. guess heal friends mean give orders. crazy magic man and gnomes no heal. no give orders. like junior. and buckler.

find elf lady make magic stinky smoke like junior smell from band of bones men before. elf lady lay in bed with sneaky gnome. sneaky gnome with bloody weapons made beastman bleed before.

not surprise also crazy magic man friend. crazy magic man many friends. spider-gnome many spider friends. junior friend buckler.

junior knock down elf lady smoke staff. elf lady not elf lady. ratty beastlady. crazy magic man friends fight ratty beastlady. sneaky gnome still feel smoke magic. sneaky gnome still make weapons bloody again. spider-gnome make bloody spider friends. crazy magic man and shaman man make fire and magic rain from sky. shaman guard use big sword. ratty beastlady try hurt junior, but ratty beastlady weak. no hurt junior. crazy magic man friends make ratty beastlady run away. ratty beastlady not ratty beastlady. rat. rat run away into walls of stinky half death stinky smoke magic prison house for shaman man. buckler still safe.

sneaky gnome find sneaky door to sneaky tunnel. sneaky tunnel lead to sneaky treasure chest. sneaky treasure chest make more stinky magic smoke. sneaky treasure chest hide sneaky door to more sneaky tunnel. sneaky tunnel lead to treasure room. drunk shaman man decide friends sleep in sneaky treasure room.

junior make safe place for buckler to sleep. junior tell buckler story for sleep. junior maybe forget some things. maybe junior remember things wrong. forgive junior, buckler. junior mind weak. not like buckler. buckler remember. buckler still safe. goodnight, buckler.

Tybalg II aka JuniorMuxelnux ShriekerSimon Belmont

Regaining my keep
The light rekindled

My mother said the Slaughter Lands were no place for princes, and the path to our keep could have hardly been less comfortable, but I finally understand why the celestial flame has led me here.

I had my doubts, though my tutors trained me to share those not with those I led.

Sleeping on the ground with rough men, gnomes, and maniacs dulled my edge. Drinking strong, foul ale to endure the indignities to my station was all I could manage.

But this morning, with the crisp taste of cider stolen from the demon-spawn that have taken the keep, I have found clarity. I lie here in the secret heart of my ancestors keep drinking that tart, sweet local apples that my father and grandfather, thick with advice and admonitions, have never tasted.

Our old relics fall apart around me with naught left but stone walls and metal coin; yet its enough.

After clearing my throat with cider and relieving myself in a crack in the stones, I laugh as our wyldman, Jyro, continues to talk to a skull and drag smoke from the rat woman’s hookaa.

Something is happening in the underways of the keep. We hid our tracks, but perhaps the cloven-foot beastkin track us with some magic. Leaving Sir Symon asleep to protect Jyro, I rouse and seek council with the gnomes and great Orc. My parents would have never accepted such a beast, but they were not touched by the flame, and I had an instinctive trust in the brute.

He flinched when I grasped his arm, but no more so than the gnomes as I infused them with soul fire to prepare them for the day’s work. If we had a tactician, we should have planned a secretive assault from these chambers. Murder the interlopers in 1s and 2s until their godling boss was left to his own, but that was not the men I was given. Looking at Symon and Junior and remembering the wisdom of my tutor who said use the tools you are given, I knew this would be a simple assault.

Perhaps, we could reconnoiter a bit before Jyro’s madness ran its course.

The occupiers had obviously noticed the dead we left and the escape from the prison, as Donnyronny returned to tell us great beasts were left to block our entrance and egress. I felt a surge of confidence and walked calmly up to meet these beasts.

By the time I recognized that a great wolf was attacking me, I was scorching it with celestial fire, twining beams around its thrashing body. I raised my shield to block it from the little people, when Ronnydonny slipped past and planted a knife through its eye. They were convincing me of their bravery, but I should have silenced the beast.

The other worg howled at the end of a chain while Junior tried to train it as if it were a puppy. No wonder his scars. Thinking quickly, I dashed to the far ladder up to the castle’s ground floor, hoping to flank the enemy, but arrows drove me back. Yet again, one of little men dashed forward. The spidermancer cast through the opening in the ceiling and grunts confirmed the beastkin were dealing with his magic.

Screaming for Symon and Jyro to get up and out, I pushed Junior up the ladder to take advantage of the distraction and followed. Without drawing a weapon, he still provided our moment and I slew a monster from the ladder while the gnome crawled over my head.

Soon we were crowded into one of the keep’s towers with bodies stacked in the hall leading out. I was relieved when Symon made it up, since his weapon was actually drawn and Junior was still trying to talk sense into the servants of the beast lord as they popped arrows in at us.

Again, the little folk proved their worth as the spidermancer filled the underchamber with webs and spiders. I learned I can cast a fiery duplicate of myself into action. He looks very dashing and has quite a smile as he runs around blocking halls and hugging beasts. We are quite worn out as we take the room, yet from the far passage comes the strangest goblin.

I don’t quite remember how, but he convinces us to trust him as he sketches out the rest of the keep and how our enemies are laid out. We agree to rush to the highest floor so we can throw down the archers and gain higher ground. The beast lord and his lieutenants await us in the great hall. Again, stealth would have been a good tactic, at least until we were all in position, but the demented prisoner we “rescued” obviously had a different martial teacher.

As Junior and the little people engaged the archers, Symon raced back down the stairs impatient to confront the false god. Knowing how little thought he puts into protecting himself, I followed him down, but not before seeing the beast lord summon the ravens of the rook and sending them in a furious unkindness.

The dire ravens darted in and out, and while I could protect myself, it was all feathers and pecking for a minute as we swung blindly and burned wildly after them.

Fortunately, the smug godling waited for us, as his archers were flung down from the ramparts and his ravens overcome.

Unfortunately, Symon made it 1/2 step into the courtyard before the waiting monsters struck him down. Junior jumped down on top of an archer, but was faring little better. Some of the monsters were falling into magical sleep, but the wizards and I were wearing out. With my shield over my head, I slid into the archway to restore Symon. My warding flares popped keeping the beastkin from landing a solid blow and I pushed him to his feet.

Ronny stabbed wildly at the monsters, I could see flaming webs from above, but Junior was put to sleep with the beasts and Symon went back down after landing a clean shot.

Summoning the very last of my reserves, I scorched every monster in the room. The rat woman, seeing the tide change, slipped in and stabbed one in the back. I poured my healing potion in Symon’s bloody face and he popped up to strike the monster chief down. At least, that’s how I remember it.

My followers had their blood up and must not have heard me demand we take the chief prisoner, and the monsters and ravens were soon chopped down. I lifted the spear of light from the dead hands of our foe and lifted it overhead blazing light into every dark corner of my keep. We had won and I was home.

Over the next several days, we burned the bodies, cleaned the halls, and made a deal with the rat woman and bullywug. Continual lights sprang up in all the halls and from the peaks of the towers so any remaining good folk in the savage lands would see the keep as a beacon and rally to their new lord.

Silent Pines
Into the muck

We gave the Keep a good once over and noticed some things.

First, the stables are in relatively good shape, and second, there are human stores cached here.

So, either the beastkin transformed a clutch of rangers, or drove them out. In either case, we have some supplies.

We looked to secure the area, but only managed to set up some eternal torches and traps.

One of the walls was badly damaged in an ancient siege. And while we are only about 20 miles from Sanaam, the road is super dangerous, as we know first hand.

So, soon, we need to drive out/befriend the spiders and faeries if we want to do trade and get some workers from civilization. But since on the local map, we are halfway in the silent pines, we decide to explore the woods first, and maybe find the foundation of the village that once served the keep.

We also gave a nice parting gift to the rat lady, and she told us that the spiders and pixie king are relatively new here, but the centaurs have a rightful claim on their land. We might try to befriend the centaurs after we deal with more immediate threats.

Using my divine sense, but no nature sense, we quickly mired ourselves in muck trying to follow the creek and then got attacked by a dozen dire wasps. Since we had no damage dealers and rolled for shit, we almost got wiped out, but once we got at their nest, 40 feet in the tree, we found gorging on their honey healed us. After another comedy of errors, we secured 4 barrels worth back at the keep.

Our next trip out, we delved a bit further and found a ranger that serves the windmill knights. He led us to a chimera mauling a pegasus that had been chained down, and he snuck off. The dice were with us, and the manticore went down quicker than wasps. We saved the pegasus and he gestured to some standing stones before fucking off. We tried to dig up our treasure with junior’s shield, but gave up and continued getting lost.

That’s when we found the ogres. We tried really hard to befriend/enslave the survivor for chopping wood, body guarding, and building palisades, but he was mostly into killing, so we let him loose on the countryside because we are good guys?

We basically know where the old town is, that its full of zombies probably, and we’ve beaten a decent track to pretty close to it.

We don’t know if its the walking dead type of undead scenario, or whether there is a undead leader controlling them. In either case, we should pack for oil, fire, and holy water and not depend on stabby weapons. And a couple shovels.

The king and the shape changer
If she's out of your league...

After shedding all of our friends but Symon, I commanded a path thru Sanam to the castle. He left for business leaving me unencumbered for a meeting with the king.

Left with men from the Theocracy, I tried to learn their purpose, but they were unassailably haughty. Sir Aester showed up as well and his mentalist was driven out by the Kings visaers mental powers. Or the doppelgänger that disguised herself as the vasaer. Because she tried to kill me once my pants were off.

Yes, they came off quick and she dropped me to 1 health on round 1, but she was driven off. Not willing to die for a payment. I used all the spells.

Some complex social quests accomplished without my spear. Not sure the kissing up to the Theocracy knight will be useful now that the main guy was replaced by Doppler. But the Kings vasaer and the king now have me on their radar, AND we have a few hundred more peasant cupcakes criminals ready to work the land. I named it Oddaland, but I’m open to ideas.

the king wants us to deal with the centaurs. I’m now Sir Odda.

agobalypse now
the cart of darkness

when i travel on road to big town with holy man odda and holy guard symon and our little friends, i see two big ruts in ground running off the path into the dark wood. junior show odda and he say go find out what is it and meet up him later. ok junior say and follow ruts into forest.

junior jog quickly over hills and valleys through dark. soon, junior hear noise ahead and creep to top of next hill for look. this when junior see cart of darkness. giant wagon big as house, huge wheels making ruts, many cute little goblins pulling cart with ropes.

junior follow quietly, slowly from distance. cart of darkness stops by rock face in side of hill. magic elf lady warrior come out of cart on top and point and shout at cute little goblins. goblins dig into rock to get shiny rocks and collect them in cart.

junior wait, follow, wait, follow. cart stops at nightfall. goblins set up camp outside. smoke coming from cart. then sounds of smithy.

junior sneak and hide by trees where goblins make relief after make and eat gruel. wait for goblin come alone to pee. try not to scare goblin too bad when say hi during pee time. mildo is goblin. new friend. mildo not like work as slave for magic elf lady warrior. none of goblins do except ones she make guard others for extra food. junior promise to free them if mildo not spoil surprise first.

junior wait for all goblins but guards to sleep. sneak around to darkest side of cart. look underneath and see trap door. hot to touch. right under smithy sounds. junior sneak under cart and use shovel to pry open trap door.

much hot ember pour out. much hissing air and smoke. junior shovel fiery embers toward wagon wheel. fire start to catch. hear sounds from inside, sneak back to trees.

goblin guards and magic elf lady warrior come rushing out. she order goblins put out fire. junior sneak to far side of cart of darkness while goblins and elf lady busy with fire. junior climb quietly to top of cart, slip down ladder into magic elf lady warrior private chamber. quickly climb and hide on top of bed canopy. then wait quietly.

when magic elf lady warrior return, she tell guards in morning to punish cute little goblins in morning for my fire. take junior great will to wait then and not kill her right away. but junior waits. she locks the door behind her. looks around but doesn’t see junior hiding. kneels on bed and does magic elf lady silent eyes closed prayers.

junior wait no more to stop elf lady plan to hurt goblins again. jump down on her from above and grab her, try to choke. she make shocks all over junior skin. junior let go one second, get very mad. she tell junior he’s tired with magic like crazy wild magic man did against beastmen, but junior too mad for sleep and hit her with axe instead.

she not wearing armor. not hold her magic lightning bow. both on stand by door. but her magic make good fight. and she still hard to hit with no armor. magic elf lady strong and quick. but bad. hurts little goblins. junior no choice.

guards almost break in door when junior, even so angry, getting weak and tired. but magic elf lady weaker. desperately tries to make junior sleep again. sleep sound good then and junior almost rest too early, but still just mad enough to go on swinging axe like old times with band of bones raiding weak villages.

blood everywhere. magic elf lady stop making magic fight before guards get into chamber. but junior keep swinging axe anyway. kick open door holding her head forward like lantern in darkness. in cart of darkness.

goblin guards scared of junior and try to run but he throw them off top of cart to be sure. and magic elf lady head after them.

tell cute little goblins they are free and have free home with junior at raven roost for new smithy. be part of make new village by keep. anchor of new trade route. mildo and friends junior new friends. come back with junior.

junior bring back unfinished elf lady armor and magic bow for big human friends. leave cart of darkness in woods behind us after goblins strip it and pack up their things, promise to help them build new forge at roost. wait for return of others from big human town.

Raven's Roost Budget

Melord Sir Odda of Oddabia,

By your leave, I counted up our stocks, sold off all our excess stuffs, but I mean to check with you before I buy all the rest.

I found us some friends in the procurement business that can move large amounts of goods, without asking too many questions, if you know what I mean. They said our haul this time was bad quality—and they got a point, beastmen bows are no good—but it was more of a “buy in”-type deal. They did not screw us too bad. 350 gold for some longbows and ugly art. Might have gone 1000 retail, but we ain’t setting up a shop in town.

  • 1x keep
  • 1x knight
  • 6x founders
  • 2x freemen
  • 27x slaves
  • 1100 gold1100
  • 2000 silver200
  • 5000 copper50
  • jewelry500
  • items sold350
  • total2200
  • personnel1103
  • transportation587
  • infrastructure282
  • reserve228


We got new mouths to feed. Even if we put them up at the keep, it will cost a silver per slave every day to keep them fed enough to work. But we can afford to give them more than slim pickings right now. And I can start stocking the wine cellar, but we need to get a steady income before we throw any feasts.

I put aside 50 gold each for us warriors to buy an item or two. Hope you don’t mind.

  • poor3
  • modest15
  • comfortable30
  • wealthy60
  • one time clothing/bedding/etc 2
  • bottle of fine wine10
  • discretionary spending, each50
  • 29x clothing/bedding/etc58
  • 29x people, modest435
  • 7x people, comfortable210
  • 5x bottles of fine wine50
  • 7x discretionary funds350
  • total1103


You said you wanted us some horses. Horses cost money. If you want to hawk the family jewels, we can get you a decent warhorse, but to bank at least an extra month of short rations, we need to stick with riding horses and dogs. The new can tailor sew up something with your emblem for the horse.

  • warhorse426
  • riding horse91
  • riding dog31
  • pony36
  • mule10
  • wagon35
  • scale barding200
  • splint barding800
  • monthly feed1.5 (can also graze)
  • 4x riding horse364
  • 3x dog93
  • 2x wagon70
  • 3x mule30
  • 10x feed15
  • travel expenses/messengers10
  • half yd silk5
  • total587


We got a keep full of old chests, broken furniture, skulls. The walls are busted and easy to climb. See if you can hire us a mason. In the meantime, I’m going to spike up the entrances.

  • rations30 days
  • flour/barley100 days
  • torches100
  • tinderbox1
  • shovels3
  • manacles6
  • metal spikes20
  • oil5 pints
  • candles20
  • weaponsmany (uninven-toried)
  • some lanterns/blankets in bad condition
  • abacus2
  • calligrapher’s supplies10
  • carpenter’s tools8
  • cartographer’s tools15
  • cook’s utensils1
  • jeweler’s tools25
  • mason’s tools10
  • painter’s supplies10
  • smith’s tools20
  • weaver’s tools1
  • total102
  • specialized tools102
  • 5x hunting traps25
  • 90x metal spikes9
  • 10x sets of caltrops10
  • 20x signal whistles1
  • 50x sheets parchment5
  • 25x ink pens.5
  • 3x ounces of ink30
  • 20x hemp ropes20
  • 3x grappling hooks6
  • 2x shovels4
  • 100x soap2
  • 20x tinderboxes20
  • 50x torches.5
  • 100x candles1
  • 50x oil5
  • 5x healer’s kits25
  • 3x tents6
  • 20x spare blankets10
  • total282

Let me know if this ledger is all good.

Your obedient servant,

Quartermaster Ronnie of the clan Donald.


I was just working this out to try to see how consistent the rules are, and I was surprised that it all seems pretty reasonable. So I put together the list as a “here’s a set of basic things we can count on having.” There’s enough for each player to get the following:

  • 50 gold for personal use
  • 1x riding horse or mastiff
  • 1x bit/bridle, saddle, saddle bags
  • 1x signal whistle
  • 1x hemp rope, 50’
  • 1x tinderbox
  • 5x torches
  • soap
  • this month’s rations
  • optional:
  • any common weapons
  • healer’s kit
  • caltrops
  • grappling hook
  • tent
  • blanket
  • ink/parchment
  • oil
  • interesting things to buy with 50 gold:
  • lantern, hooded5
  • lantern, bullseye10
  • extra weapons/better armorvaries
  • better clothes2-15
  • extra spell pouch/focus1-20
  • (assuming the alchemist obliges)
  • antitoxin50
  • alchemist’s fire50
  • healing potion50
Raven’s Roost Rough Riders Rap
(Redeemer's Remix)

curtains rise on a little green pimp

cue the beat, maestro

sit down muthfuckas, here comes the main act.
q-jack in the house, and that’s a fact.
keep yo honeys close, unless you want’em ransacked,
cuz it’s time to introduce the rest of the pack.

the first you’ll notice is an orc named junior.
all day lovin pets, the better the punier.
is he brain damaged, or is it just a rumor?
if you axe, he just say ‘it’s not a tumor!”

next is a knight who answers to simon.
if he see you prayin, he’ll say, “why, man?
rise from your knees, or time to die, man.
show me your god, and i’ll bust his hymen.”

lordy lordy, that’s the leader of our squad.
a family man who never spares the rod.
unholy holy-man some would call odd,
cuz what’s odda than a preacher who ain’t got no god?

this shifty trickster has many a name.
fencing hoods in the wood, always ready to maim.
fencing goods in the hood, he feels no shame.
keepin ledgers black, always runnin some game.

then there’s the wizard named muxelnux.
gets sticky bout webs, so everybody ducks.
when it comes to summoning, he’s deluxe.
but if it ain’t got eight legs, he gives no fucks.

and let’s not forget the forgetful jiro:
wondering, wandering, wild magic weirdo.
may be mad, but have no fear though.
(this crazy fool thinks he’s the hero!)

so trust in the goblin who ain’t nothing but true,
if you fuck with q-jack, you fuck with his crew.
and that ain’t nuthin you wanna do,
cuz if you fuck with us, we’ll fuck with you.

drops mic

under pegasus hill
(no pegasus)

we hiked out to pegasus hill today because odda says we need treasure to feed all the mouths at the roost and maybe that’s what pegasus was trying to tell us was under the hill. jiro stayed at the roost because he couldn’t find his pants or shoes. i was just hoping pegasus would be there so i could talk to her while the others looked for treasure. i even brought carrots. she wasn’t there. simon wanted to go home, but i needed his help digging, so odda made him stay.

we brought shovels this time. and my hole from last time was still there! simon and i made it a bigger hole until we found some bones with a pretty stone ring on them. good luck because the ring is magic and moves earth much faster than me and simon and shovels.

that’s how we made the hole much much biggerer. so much bigger that we hit smooth stone floor with big tiles. except someone smart said that’s no floor tile…that’s a roof. and then simon and i had to lift it up so we could see the dark room below.

at this point, simon got scared and warned us all not to go in the dark hole under the dead body by the standing stones, but going home isn’t going to feed the mouths at the roost is what we said.

the littles and i could see into the dark room below, but the humans could not. (sometimes nights talking to chuckler and buckler we wonder how humans survive so soft and blind and scared and picky about food and shelter. must be the magic.) room is empty but has stuff carved on walls and floors.

we tied rope to stone on pegasus hill and climb down. ronnie first, then me. stone floor has deep footprints in crazy dance pattern. stone walls have scary faces with open mouths. ronnie checks out the dark corners and the faces on the walls. i do the dance of the crazy footprints.

then i am alone in a field with a blood red sky. in the distance comes an army toward me. from behind floating slowly closer is a giant cloud made of flesh and body parts and eyeballs and squid parts. there is nowhere to hide or run. i prepare to die as soon as i know who needs my protection more.

i never find out. the flesh cloud gets to me first as it gets near all the plants and rocks begin to fly up toward it and soon i am pulled with it. i am ready to die and, by the looks of the mouth it is pulling me into with its magic and squid parts, this death will be all i deserve for my past. instead i wake up with a head like a drinking night before.

everyone is back on the hill, sick and resting. while i was getting eaten by the flesh cloud the scary faces on the wall breathed sickness on them and only ronnie turning off the sick breath saved everyone from dying. that’s what ronnie said when he came down the rope to check on me.

while i was gone they also tried to go through the door next to the footprints, but odda got stuck between falling stone walls. (we should get some of those at the roost, but better ones because they broke one of these pretty easy it looked like to me. and the other one simon and i were able to lift up, so if we get falling stone walls like that, let’s make sure it takes more than just two of us to lift them. i bet when bad guys come there will be at least two of them.)

simon said we shouldn’t go past the falling stone walls down the stairs. mux said it’s ok we’ll protect you simon. but he was still scared. even with so much armor and such big sword.

at first landing down stairs is a door on the left and we go through it. there is a room for torture and dead bodies. there’s a table covered in tools of pain and a dead body hanging on the wall by a bunch of stakes. simon says we should definitely go now. mux starts taking the body off the wall for decorating his web in the tower. maybe he’s going to wrap it up in web and hang it from the ceiling like it’s food for winter.

there’s also a blue potion on a table that someone dared me to drink. i’m not scared like simon so i pick the potion up to taste it and that’s when the torture tools start flying around and trying to kill us and then the body mux wanted decided to jump off the wall and kill us, too.

but we are pretty good at fighting. and i don’t even mind killing things that aren’t supposed to be alive. some got hurt, but we were ok. simon believed that the attack of the torture tools and the dead body was a bad sign and we shouldn’t keep doing down the stairs, but you know mouths to feed and treasure and stuff, so we went on.

(oh yeah the blue potion was for keeping alive things from all the way dying so i guess that makes sense the things that aren’t supposed to be alive were hanging out with it.)

the next room down the stairs had three statues standing on a white slab, which didn’t seem much like treasure, but we went in anyway despite simon telling us not to. then the shadows from our lights jumped out from behind the statues and started trying to kill us.

but we are pretty good at fighting even when we’re sick and tired. and even though the shadows made us weak just by touching us. i was almost as weak as a human by the end of the fight, but we still survived. one shadow didn’t die, it just flickered about and ran away.

i tried to touch the statues and immediately got back my drinking head pain and saw the flesh cloud in the blood red sky. i’m not sure if that makes it treasure to feed mouths, but they still have to be fed is what odda says, so we spent the night in the shadow room inside a web tent that mux spun up.

simon says we’re the worst at finding treasure and not getting killed, but odda says we’re all still alive and look we have a ring, so maybe simon just needs a good night’s sleep in this web tent. i think it’s pretty nice. thanks mux.

goodnight ravens roosters. goodnight buckler. goodnight pegasus wherever you are.

We should be dead
Or maybe we are?

After too long lost and trapped in the shifting tunnels beneath the dragon’s lair, we emerged into the light of day with the huge blue dragon circling overhead and his minions waiting in the tower above us, weapons and spells prepared and aimed out of arrow slits for us to come into their line of fire.

I tried to find a way up the tower aside from the obviously dangerous free climb, but couldn’t find one. As I was running around the tower, two of my companions were felled on the other side of it by the dragon’s deadly lightning breath. By the time I made it back around to our fallen leader, he was still prone and the dragon had blinded us with a dust storm, but Odda managed to reach out and tried to ward me with holy magic against the dragon.

That magic kept me alive long enough to stay between my companions and the dragons when we were foolishly distracted into trying to fight the dragon in the open, having received false, fleeting hope of a chance at victory by Muxelnux’s second web tractor beam tying the dragon to the ground. But the lightning came fast and furious. From the dragon. From his priest in the tower calling it down from the sky. From the tower itself out to little mini-towers that draw lighting to them.

By this time Mux was half-spider and halfway up the tower. The rest of us scrambled to and fro in the open, trying to help the fallen back to their feet and, in my case, take as many shots in their stead as possible. Thankfully, the bow I got from the elven slavemaster proved useful in Simon’s hands, keeping the grounded dragon somewhat at bay and wounding it slowly while the rest of us struggled just to cover the crumbled, rocky terrain left behind by the dragon’s roar.

By the time we gathered around the tower to assault the minions therein, we were all on death’s door except the holy bowman. Ronnie, perhaps too late with the right idea, started throwing around pixie dust like it was going to get us high. And it did for me with my goblin friend on my back (although in hindsight maybe some for the paladin and priest might have been better used than for those of us more able to get up on our own).

Then it all went wrong. I should have tied my rope then to Mux’s rope from the top (where he was now running from the thief minion dragonborn), so that the others could climb up faster. But I had Quarterjack with me and wanted to get him involved in the fight immediately, so I tried to push my way through where the goblin had already blasted one of the arrow slits to a width I thought would fit me. Big mistake.

I misjudged the opening and got stuck. Next thing I remember I’m back on the ground at the base of the tower barely alive. Q-Jack said I died and got pushed out, fell the whole way and then someone healed me. That made me very mad. Sure, kill me, but push me out the window with Quarterjack on my back? What if Q-Jack had been hurt by the fall? Did this monster care nothing for my cute, little friend’s well-being?

Meanwhile the ground forces had driven off the dragon (although I’m not sure why the dragon didn’t just keep flying around above us and breathe lightning death on us every so often like he had been to that point unless he was just feeling generous or full of pity toward us) and were now headed up. Q-Jack gave me giant’s strength and we raced back up the tower with him on my back a second time. Odda throwing fire from below, Quarterjack and Simon trying to kill them with ranged attacks despite the angle and the enemy’s cover.

When I reached the room again, still mad as hell and feeling no pain, I swung wildly, making solid contact twice, and thought I’d killed the dragonborn minion with the big sword that killed me and pushed me out the window before, but unholy magic from his priest kept him alive. Long enough to kill me again and, this time, he killed my little friend, too.

Muxelnux tried to keep fighting them from outside the room, still clinging to the wall of the tower, but was forced to back away from the fight outnumbered. By the time our other companions scaled the tower and got to our bodies much later, we should have been long dead. The minions, like their master, had also fled despite seemingly having the fight in hand and the advantageous position.

Who knew dragonborn and dragons were so merciful? Why didn’t they cut our throats or stab us while we were down? It’s just common practice among us murder hobos, I thought. These minions were clearly never trained by the Band of Bones or whoever taught my companions about murderventure.

They even let us have their loot. Feels like when you gamble with a hustler and they let you win before taking the rest of your money. What’s your game, dragonfolk? When are you coming back to finish the job? And what blame will befall us now from Sanaam for the dragon’s attack on them?

I know only this: I should be dead. (Again.) If my enemies keep choosing not to kill me and spare me the shame of my weakness, I may just have to do it myself.


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